My classes recently covered topics regarding the relationship between the body and soul, plus marriage and sexuality (you can read most of the lecture here). I made it a point to speak candidly and without much euphemism so as to be as clear as possible. Interestingly enough, the more shameless the culture gets, the more comfortable and open students are discussing sexuality and developing a moral understanding of it. At the end of each class, I asked the students to anonymously write questions that I would answer in a later class. Realizing the importance for each of my six classes to receive all the answers to the questions, I began the process of writing to the study body as a whole in a Q&A format. Below are a few of the questions and responses.
Read last week’s Q&A on sexuality and relationships here.
- Is it wrong to have sex if you are with the person you know you will marry?
- Sex is a physical statement – a statement that tells the other person that you love them permanently (along with the other marriage vows). No one can tell the future. People can have a pretty good idea of who they’ll marry, but nothing is for sure until it happens. I dated a girl for almost 2 years in college and was pretty convinced we were going to get married – didn’t happen. There are a few people close to me who broke off engagements before getting married to their current spouses.. If sex is physically saying that you love the person permanently, how can it be okay when a dating – or even engaged – relationship is by definition an impermanent thing? The only permanent relationship is marriage. What makes marriage permanent? Look at Mark 10:6-9:
6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
It’s in this relationship, marriage, that no one can separate (permanent) that a husband and wife become one flesh. The marriage has to exist first (spiritual reality) and sex is the response (physical sign) – not the other way around. Sex without a permanent marriage relationship is essentially a physical lie that communicates something to the other person that isn’t true.
- Pray with confidence – Often. Did you know that God calls everyone to prayer everyday? God hears prayers. God loves you. You need to pray with the knowledge that your words aren’t just floating off into the empty universe.
Read the Bible. St. Jerome said, “ignorance of scripture is ignorance of Christ himself.” Start at the Gospel of Matthew 1:1 and read a section or chapter each day until you finish the Gospel of John. Start over. You’ll move on to reading other books in the Bible later on, but you can’t understand it without knowing Jesus.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “God knows everything already – why do I need to tell him anything?” Prayer not about you informing God of anything, it’s about you personally entrusting him with your thoughts, worship, desires and thanksgiving. A good way to have a prayer time is to use the ACTS method:
A – Adoration: Basically telling God how awesome He is – worship.
C – Contrition: Asking for forgiveness for your recent sins
T – Thanksgiving: Recognizing that everything comes from Him
S – Supplication: Asking him for stuff – grace, peace, guidance and/or
healing for yourself or others. - Eliminate stuff in your life that keeps you from God. Like we said in class, “Blessed are the pure of heart for they shall see God.” (Matt 5:8). If you fill your heart with things that separate you from God, it’s going to be really tough to stay close to Him.
When I was in high-school my favorite movie had 250+ usages of the F-word in it – of course I appreciated it for the brilliant script writing, not the profanity, which meant that it didn’t affect me, right? Not quite – how could I maintain integrity in my own speech when I was filling my mind with constant swearing?
It’s the same with music. I’d listen to anything (some of it so bad it’d make your ears bleed) and I’d sing it, too. Like every other high school student on Earth, I didn’t listen for the words, but the beat and the music. On a retreat, my youth minister explained how music can get into your mind, even if you think it won’t. He then challenged us to give up music for 30 days – we’d see the real effect music had on our souls at the end. I didn’t believe him, so I did it to prove him wrong. I nixed all music that I could control (clearly I couldn’t stop music at church) and after the 30th day, I went back to my music library. Immediately, I was very aware of all the lyrics I had been “ignoring” and was pretty shocked at the stuff I had been listening to.
Recap: Like any relationship, a relationship with God requires communication and time. Pray every day. Ask God if there’s anything he wants you to give up. Be honest with yourself when he gives you an answer. Keep praying.
Two things: