My classes recently covered topics regarding the relationship between the body and soul, plus marriage and sexuality (you can read most of the lecture here). I made it a point to speak candidly and without much euphemism so as to be as clear as possible. Interestingly enough, the more shameless the culture gets, the more comfortable and open students are discussing sexuality and developing a moral understanding of it. At the end of each class, I asked the students to anonymously write questions that I would answer in a later class. Realizing the importance for each of my six classes to receive all the answers to the questions, I began the process of writing to the study body as a whole in a Q&A format. Below are a few of the questions and responses.
Read the High School Q&A about sexuality and relationships here.
Read the High School Q&A about Engagement and Prayer here.
- What’s the hardest part about marriage?
I’d say the hardest part about marriage is getting over yourself like dealing with your own selfishness and the effects of it. Marriage is like the ultimate friendship, promising God and this other person that you’ll be with them through the best and most difficult times you will ever face during your life; ultimately doing everything you can to help your spouse get to Heaven. This is, of course, next to impossible if you’re unwilling to sacrifice for each other. Sometimes that means letting go of your desire to be right or to have the other person agree with you. Sometimes that means meeting friends late because you’re helping put the kids to bed or not going out at all because your spouse isn’t feeling well. Even if your spouse hurts your feelings, you might have a desire to do the same to them; that doesn’t make it okay.
Once marriage becomes about eye-for-an-eye, things start to fall apart. This isn’t always a matter of simple revenge, but might look like keeping score (“You did three fun things last week, but I only did two”). The question spouses should ask themselves is, “What can I do for my spouse?” Not, “How do I get what I want?” Both spouses have to ask the first question in order for things to work out – if one spouse starts looking for what’s best for him/herself rather than both spouses, it’ll probably make the other spouse start thinking that way, too.
In light of this, communication is extremely important. There can’t be any stupid games and ignored feelings. If you feel like you need something, bring it up to your spouse in a conversation and try to address the issue, coming to a conclusion together.
Recap: Marriage is a huge blessing that is both wonderful and difficult. Marriage becomes infinitely more difficult when it’s about “me” rather than “us.” Each spouses need to be willing to help the other by sacrificing (ya know, love).
- If a spouse dies, is it ok to get remarried?
Yes! A well-known end to marriage vows is “‘till death do us part,” or “for as long as we both shall live.” In Luke 20:27-39, Jesus address the relationship of marriage within Heaven (i.e. “the age to come”), saying that they, “will neither marry nor be given in marriage.” When a spouse dies, they are no longer married to the other on Earth and vice-versa.
This isn’t to say that they would be strangers in Heaven. A person in Heaven is exactly that: a person – the same person they were on Earth with the same soul (and everything that comes with that like identity, memory, relationships). Think of the Transfiguration of Jesus in Luke 9. Elijah and Moses appear with Jesus and talked with him “about his exodus he was going to accomplish in Jerusalem.” Clearly, the two Old Testament figures were still themselves, but glorified. Spouses who have both died and are in Heaven will no longer be spouses, yet since they’re both profoundly united with God, they’ll actually have a closer love for each other than was possible on Earth.